Well, most of my comments seemed pretty positive, so I decided not to tamper with my somewhat successful first attempt.
Here are my original 俳句：
あき
きいろいき Yellow trees
カサカサカサッ [rustling of leaves]
みちだらけ Covered road
ふう
ゆきがふる Snow falls
トトトットッッ [soft walking. slows, stops.]
しふくかん Feelings of bliss
きいろいき, カサカサカサッ がいい文です。でも、あなたは”きいろい葉”がより良いとおもってますが？
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